Friday, April 5, 2013

one year

This past weekend was the official one year anniversary of Raynor being released from playing baseball.. and while those few weeks were some of the most difficult weeks of our lives, I find myself in amazement at how the Lord's plans are so much greater than our own.  This time last year, if I were only able to fast forward a year to see all of the good things that were to come, the transition into a "normal life" {i.e. one that does not revolve around baseball schedules and one where your spouse is home year round} would be much easier.  But, as they say.. hindsight is 20/20.  Or perhaps, maybe it isn't a matter of hindsight.. maybe it is a matter of having full faith that the Lord opens doors that need to be opened and closes doors when they are ready to be closed.  Although, if you would have asked us a year ago, our plans were that Raynor would continue to play ball and we would move to Arizona in the off season after I finished PA school.  We were so enveloped in these plans that we never really stopped to ask ourselves: are we looking to the Lord for confirmation of these plans, or are we blinded by our own worldly desires?

The season before Raynor's release was filled with much hardship and frustration.  I was alone in Texas while pregnant and finishing PA school, and Raynor suffered from multiple injuries.  Looking back on that time, I often wonder if we missed those subtle hints that maybe baseball wasn't the path that the Lord had for Raynor anymore.  Last January, Raynor had to leave early to rehab his most recent injury before Spring Training began.  It was the most difficult goodbye our family has had to make as Kylar was only 5 months old and we knew Raynor would be gone for the rest of the season until September {missing Kylar's 1st birthday}.  While Raynor was gone, I took care of Kylar and everything at the house, as well as worked to finish up PA school.  I can honestly say, this was a huge time of growth for me as I was alone in Waco, taking care of an infant while juggling school and all other responsibilities.  And then, I got the unexpected phone call from Raynor saying "I'm coming home".  At that moment, it felt as if I were drowning in a flood of emotions and stress.. I thought "why would God bring us so far only to take it all away?"  I don't know if I will ever know the answer to that question, but I do know that even through that difficult time of uncertainty, all of our needs were met and we grew closer as a family while maturing in our walks with Christ.

Over the past year, a lot has changed.  Kylar has developed in so many ways:  learning to crawl, swimming in the pool for the first time, learning to throw and kick a ball, taking her first steps, feeding herself, learning over 30 new words, developing phrases, and so much more.  She is such a joy and I cannot imagine her daddy not being there for this past year of her life.  In a way, saying goodbye to baseball was much easier this way because if Raynor continued to play ball for a few more years, he would have missed out on much of Kylar's life.  Raynor has found a job that he enjoys as the field manager for the Baylor baseball field and he also gives lessons and runs baseball camps for the future Ian Kinsler's and Clayton Kershaw's ;) and I have graduated from PA school and started my first big girl job! :) In retrospect, it is always easier to analyze our response to difficult situations because we already know the outcome, but during {what seems like} a crisis, I have learned that it is best to take a step back and ask for clarity and peace because today's crisis may lead to tomorrow's blessing in disguise. 


Kylar walking through our very first house to call home!
White Coat Ceremony
Kylar's 1st birthday party!

No comments:

Post a Comment